My 3rd baby fell off the bed

  The guilt was eating me alive:

    Our third baby is our miracle child. I had many, many, many miscarriages and thought we wouldn’t be able to have another child but, little did we know, God had it in his plans for us. Needless to say, we are obsessed with her and have her in a bubble. Having two other kids you think you know all the tricks and have gone thru it all, well, guess again. Just because you’re at a more mature age and have raised two other kids didn’t mean I was going to be able to avoid the inevitable. On an early Saturday morning, I wake up to take my eldest to swimming, I had a rough night and my husband came home from work extremely late. As I am getting dressed the baby wakes up, I change her diaper on my bed and suddenly I get the urge to use the restroom (urgently). I decide to build a barrier with pillows and wake my husband up to watch the baby (who was 6 months) for two minutes while I went to the restroom. I waited for him to acknowledge what I said and then I walked away. Little did I know he was so deep in his sleep that he didn’t realize anything I said to him? As soon as I walk into the restroom I hear the worst sound you could hear “bang”, I ran like a maniac and there she was laying on the floor crying hysterically. I felt horrible. I know this is common but, nothing was going to comfort me or make her pain go away. I ran out like a crazy woman and took her to the hospital, when I walked in I could barely speak and the baby had already calmed down. To add insult to injury the nurse says, “Aww it’s your first baby”, I said nope it’s my third, that’s why I can’t understand how I let this happen. Long story short the baby was okay but, I had post traumatic stress for like 4 days after. I was so disappointed in myself for not making a better judgement call. Why didn’t I put her in the crib? Why didn’t I give her to my eldest daughter to hold? So many questions and no answers. I remember thinking: God I waited for her for so long, please don’t take her from me, I’m sorry.” The guilt was eating me alive but, with some time and therapy from my friends, I realized it was an honest mistake and I’m not perfect. I’m a MOM. A mom who loves her kids more than anything and a mom who does a lot, all day, every day and it’s okay to make mistakes. I guarantee you that experience made me more vigilant and mindful when making any decisions. Don’t ever feel like you’re not a good mom, accidents happen, that’s why they are called accidents. Parenting is hard.